How to become Russian in 8 easy steps
Check our super easy guide on how to become Russian in 8 easy steps!
1. Stop smiling to strangers
If you ask anybody’s impressions about Russian people, the very first word is probably going to be ‘’Gloomy.’’
That’s true, at first sight, we might seem a little hostile. But there’s much more than meets the eye, my friend. The answer to why we don’t smile to everyone is because every Russian smile must have a reason. Russian people are very upright: we give a smile as a sign of our friendship and adore, showing that we’re really glad to see that specific person. Smile of courtesy has nothing to do with our mentality.
Yes, in our country a smile is not for everybody. But once you received it – be sure that we mean it.
2. Fall in love with ‘’halyava’’(халява)
‘’Halyava’’ is a huge piece of cake for Russians. And yeah, that might shock you. But once you’ve decided to become a Russian – you must go the whole hog.
Basically, ‘’halyava’’ means something you can get for free, like free samples at the supermarket or welcome drinks at the party. And while the rest of the world thinks: ‘’Why should I trouble myself searching for some unknown ways to get this thing for free, when I can easily buy it?’’, true Russian thinks: ‘’Why should I trouble myself buying it if I can get it for free?’’. And we say about totally legal things.
‘’I’’ is for the Inventiveness.
3. Deal with traditional yet so bizarre Russian cuisine
Herring Under fur coat, Russian Bologna, Pickled tomatoes, Kholodets, Salo(Raw pig fat) – does it sound appetizingly for you? Well, it should! Other ways, how can you call yourself a true Russian?
We’re not that badass in what we eat as, for example, our Chinese friends, but still. Don’t worry, there’s a quick tip for you: if you didn’t like all this pure awesomeness from the first time, try it with some traditional Russian alcohol (You know what I mean).
4. Start wearing all the brand clothes at the same time
Russians are not afraid to look fierce. Hundreds of years ago we loved to put on particolored clothes with lots of shiny hand-made accessories, printed headscarves, etc. And until now sometimes we have an irresistible desire to wear all the best we have in the closet at the same time.
But, seriously, why should you hide it? You worked hard for it, be proud!
5. Learn to rely on ‘’avos’’
The magic word‘ ’Avos’’ doesn’t actually have a proper translation nowadays. Basically, that means that things will somehow go right on their own, even if you can’t(or don’t want to) do anything about it. What can I say – Russian people are very optimistic. In addition, if ‘’avos’’ didn’t work out – you can always use the next tip:
6. Do not give a fuck
The collapse of the ruble? So what. Giant asteroid? Big deal.
The only thing that can piss off a Russian is their national soccer team. Or the quality of their roads. Or any politician.
7. Become a professional in spending your money
‘’Work hard – play hard’’, ‘’You only live once.’’ – those gangsta rap quotes can totally describe Russian money behaviour. And you probably heard about that – Russian oligarchs try their best on that point. Even if we don’t have that billion-dollar account, generosity is in our blood, along with not giving a damn about troubles and believing in a bright future. Thereunto, we like to party. So, the next step is…
8. Party like it’s the last time of your life
Funny fact: we have the biggest amount of official holidays here in Russia. Why is that? Because Russians looove to party. And they know, how to do it right from the very ancient times.
During the Tsar Russia, we had really big celebrations with incredibly colorful costumes, loud folk songs, dances, party games and lots of laughter. And we didn’t lose a skill to party until now. Well…maybe Russian girls don’t put so much makeup and bling-bling on nowadays…Or nah.
Bonus: Applause when your plane landed successfully.
I’m not really sure, why we do that. I guess it’s all about living the moment, you know. After all that wars and revolutions, every day when you didn’t die – is a good day)
By Anna Davydova